Thursday, August 28, 2008

How much did the Towkay lose?

A teenager bought a gift from Towkay Edgar.

The gift has a selling price of $21 when the cost is $18.

The teenager paid with a $100 note.

Since the Towkay has no small change, he used the $100 note and exchanged it with his neighbour. He gave $79 change to the teenager.

Later his neighbour found out the $100 note was fake, Towkay Edgar has to pay $100 back to his neighbour.

Question - So how much did the Towkay Edgar lose?

P/S Click "Comment" for answer.

M1, I will be breaking up with you on Sunday...


Dear M1,

We have been together since Feb 2, 2007 as I signed up with your Mobile Internet Service. It was a pioneering move by goodself in those days.

Despite what others say about your reliability (or the lack of it), my experience with you has been mutually rewarding.

I have been paying you $38.72 per month for the last 18 months and you have given me the freedom to operate from everywhere, anywhere and anytime.

Things could have continue like this until you started to court new customers with all the goodies and discounts while ignoring loyal customers like me. I began to ask myself why am I paying $38++ while others are paying half albeit the need to sign a contract for 24 months. Isn't our relationship beyond the need to sign a contract for me to commit to you?

Perhaps we have taken each other for granted.

Good bye for now, my dear. Wish you well.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Coffee shop talkings


"My umbrella business down... "
" How come?", asked his friend.
"the government is building so many covered walkways..."

Given all these parenthood incentives and the negative impacts on business, a man quipped..
"my restaurant's job advertisement should now say.. "Wanted Waiters/Waitresses, but only man to apply."

"It may be cheaper to dress up the men up as waitresses and pay them a little bit more for the inconvenience... and lower costs for the business.."

For ladies in the child bearing age group, a possible interview question would be, "Have you cut your fillopian tube?" [FYI - You can't this type of question during interview.]

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Where were you last night?

"Mum, I was queueing up for my iPhone at Singtel's launch. It was incredible... "

"Son, I am so disappointed with you.

If you were to tell me that you were investing your energy on something more productive that would yield you profits in the future to come, I would say go do it with all my blessings.

But to queue up for a phone.. is definitely disappointing."

"But mum.. it is not just a phone. It is THE phone with THE experience."

Sigh.. as the mum walked away.. her son is busy pecking away at his queued iPhone.

P/S - Imaginary but could be real.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

ERPs along the river


Chinatown Business Association feedbacked to LTA that ERP charges are be having a negative impact on business.

The gantries along the river has divided the City into two ie. the Eastern City and Western City.

But the ERP seems to have affected the Western part of the City but not the Eastern portion. Why is it so?

Or is it that the gantries have actually affected both sides of the river? The focus has been on Chinatown because the Chinatown Business Association has done a good job in raising their concerns to the Authority.

Or is it that Eastern City people had been going to Chinatown for lunch and shopping in droves in the past? With the gantries, are the Eastern City people now unwilling to cross the river for lunch and shopping?

The point I am trying to make is - Why the river gantries affected Chinatown area so badly? Any negative impact noted for businesses on the other side of the river?

Sunday, August 17, 2008

In Olympics, we see nations of many races

Last time, it was quite common to see people of African descents representing US, UK and France etc etc. Nowadays, it is very common to see people of Chinese/Korean descents representing New Zealand, Australia, US, France etc etc etc.

I think I will see the days where ang mohs and African descents representing China, Korea and Japan. (Btw, we got ang mohs representing Japan already, I think.)

Olympics, my words

a gift

I watched the badminton final between the two Chinese ladies till 3am in the morning. I didn't know the 27-year-old-loser to the 33-year-old winner is Lin Dan's girlfriend, the man's finalist for badminton tonight.

Despite the toiled bent body postures of both ladies trying to win the gold medal, the loser showed glimpses of beauty that have been put aside for the sake of trying to be an Olympic champion. Her worn out physique and shapeless short hair due to the many thousands hours of toiling in the badminton courts.

To the many participants of the Olympics, it must be a big relief to finish the competition one way or another. So many hours of training in concentration camps, away from family and friends ie. away from your living your life for so many years. Strict regime on diet for years!!! So no wonder you see Tao Li going after ice-kachang after her finals.

To the teen gymnasts, I really hope they do get something for their future in exchange for their lost childhood.

To the weight lifter who has dislocated the shoulder, I wish you well.

To the sore-est loser by 1-hundredth of a second, Milorad Cavic, 2nd to M. Phelps in the Butterfly final. Moral of the story for Cavic - Mass (fingers) travels faster outside the water.

Must sports be like this? Must Olympics be like this?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Life and How to Survive It

Dear friends,

The following is a speech delivered by a Mr Adrian Tan. It is recommended to me by a close friend with a simple word "meaningful". Have a read.

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I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

The Poor Water Quality Report

this marina is ungradeable yet as per NEA

National Environmental Agency's (NEA) recent revelation of the poor state of seawaters surrounding our beaches finally put to rest my long suspicion and hesitation in bringing my family for beach outings.

I am also amazed that people may spend hours of their life catching things from Singapore rivers ala "big longkangs" and bring them home to EAT. (Don't believe? Go to Tekka Market and see for yourself.)

Of course, our longkangs here are relatively cleaner output than some other parts of the world. In today's paper, you can see the picture of a man, half submerged in the water, clearing hundreds of DEAD fishes poisoned by chemical discharge.

P/S - Eating seafood in Melaka? Excuse me, where do you get your seafood from? Oh.. we catch them from the biggest longkang in the world (strait of malacca)!!! :)

Friday, August 01, 2008

Man with 7 wives

Can you solve this?

A man was traveling to Tombouctou.
At the bus stop, he met a man with 7 wives.

Each wife has 12 sons and 12 daughters.
Each daughter of the man's wife had 4 sons and 7 daughters.

Each son of the man's wife had 7 sons and 4 daughters.
Each granddaughter had 4 friends.

How many people got to Tombouctou?

P/S Click on comment for answer.